F'You Beer Man

Last weekend I went to a White Sox game with my buddies, Pauly and Barry. The weather was sunny and nice, the game was exciting, our seats were good, but something was amiss at New Comiskey Park (U.S. Cellular Field).

In the fifth inning, the Baltimore Orioles broke the no-hitter being pitched against them. Then a batter knocked one over the fence, giving the Orioles a 2-0 lead. At that moment, a beer vendor was walking up the steps and was right near me. Under his breath, he uttered the words, "It's about time." I shot him a look that had to be interpreted as you are close to dying. The vendor moved up the isle and then slid between some empty seats towards a Sox fan wanting a beer.

It was implausible to me that someone could be stupid enough to make his living off White Soxs fans—fans known for being hardcore fans that don't take lightly to being messed with—and openly route against them. I had to do something. But what could I do? If I hit the bastard, I'd get arrested. So I decided to use my best asset in that situation—my big mouth.

As Oriole-fan beer man went to hand the Sox fan his beer, I stood up. Then I pointed at him and yelled as loud as I could, "Don't buy beer from that guy, he's rooting for the Orioles." Other fans yelled back, "Which one?" because there was more than one beer man present. Since he was in the middle of a rather empty row, the beer man stuck out like a sore thumb, and I made sure that fans knew which guy it was.

As a result, other fans started screaming at him to get the hell out of there. Beer man kept trying to move through the crowd thinking he'd outrun fans' boos and finally find someone to buy beer from him. However, the crowd just kept passing the message along. Eventually, he high-tailed it up to the concourse and seemed to disappear.

Lesson learned—it's ok to route for who you want, but if you're trying to make money off of the other team's fans, don't be stupid enough to piss them off.