F'You Beer Man

Last weekend I went to a White Sox game with my buddies, Pauly and Barry. The weather was sunny and nice, the game was exciting, our seats were good, but something was amiss at New Comiskey Park (U.S. Cellular Field).

In the fifth inning, the Baltimore Orioles broke the no-hitter being pitched against them. Then a batter knocked one over the fence, giving the Orioles a 2-0 lead. At that moment, a beer vendor was walking up the steps and was right near me. Under his breath, he uttered the words, "It's about time." I shot him a look that had to be interpreted as you are close to dying. The vendor moved up the isle and then slid between some empty seats towards a Sox fan wanting a beer.

It was implausible to me that someone could be stupid enough to make his living off White Soxs fans—fans known for being hardcore fans that don't take lightly to being messed with—and openly route against them. I had to do something. But what could I do? If I hit the bastard, I'd get arrested. So I decided to use my best asset in that situation—my big mouth.

As Oriole-fan beer man went to hand the Sox fan his beer, I stood up. Then I pointed at him and yelled as loud as I could, "Don't buy beer from that guy, he's rooting for the Orioles." Other fans yelled back, "Which one?" because there was more than one beer man present. Since he was in the middle of a rather empty row, the beer man stuck out like a sore thumb, and I made sure that fans knew which guy it was.

As a result, other fans started screaming at him to get the hell out of there. Beer man kept trying to move through the crowd thinking he'd outrun fans' boos and finally find someone to buy beer from him. However, the crowd just kept passing the message along. Eventually, he high-tailed it up to the concourse and seemed to disappear.

Lesson learned—it's ok to route for who you want, but if you're trying to make money off of the other team's fans, don't be stupid enough to piss them off.

Green Apple Earth Festival

This Sunday, April 20th, an environmental organization called Green Apple sponsored a large environmental action celebration to celebrate Earth Day and increase public awareness of environmental issues facing our planet. The event took place at Lincoln Park Zoo, one of only three, major zoos in the United States that offers free admission.

The event featured a variety of musical acts and speakers, all there to convince the crowd to pay attention not only to their own actions and how they affect the earth, but to think of the politicians they're voting for and the companies they support with their purchase. Chicago area neo-hippies showed up in droves, somewhere between 15 to 20 thousand people. The musical acts didn't fail to entertain the crowd or to get them into the true spirit of 4/20, if ya know what I mean.

With acts such as Michelle N'degeocello, the Dirty Dozen Brass Band, and Three (a three piece featuring Grateful Dead drummer Bill Kreutzman, bassist Otiel (from Colonel Bruce Hampton and the Aquarium Rescue Unit), and a talented guitarist unknown by me. These acts kept the collective spirit of Earth Day running through the air and
fans dancing their Birkenstocks off. Three even kicked out several Grateful Dead songs, including Eyes of the World, which could not present a more perfect message. Overall I must say that I was very impressed by the music, especially for a free concert to kick off spring in Chi-town. However, the festival did seem to be an oxymoron to me.

First things first, this was an environmental festival to promote Earth Day. With all of the stages in public areas in Chicago, they chose to hold the festival at the zoo. Now the zoo has concerts all summer long, but they aren't really in the zoo by the animals, they have it in a rather open grassy space outside the area of the zoo where the animals are housed. In this case, however, the concert was held inside the zoo perhaps 100 yards from the big cat house. How can you hold a festival that encourages showing respect for the environment when you disrespect the animals that are stuck living in the zoo? These animals are already being confined outside of their natural environment. Do we need to blast music into their new homes at say 90 to 105 decibels? Aren't animals' ears much more sensitive than ours? Won't this concert negatively affect them?

Seeking answers to these questions, I headed out through the crowd to find park representatives to answer my question. When talking to a park docent, he tried telling me that the animals in the park aren't really bothered by such noise. After I pointed out that his statement was bullshit, using the park's wolves as an example of animals bothered by loud music, the park docent changed his tune. He told me, "This is a free park, when we fill it like this, people purchase drinks, food, and gifts, which really helps the park out." So just like the companies that the speakers were harassing from the stage, the promoters of this Earth Day event were more than willing to throw concerns about our planet's other creatures aside to reach that all too consuming goal of making money.

As the concert ended, the futility of Green Apple's environmental efforts became rather obvious. Even with several reminders to leave the zoo in better condition than when you arrived, fans poured out of the area leaving trash all over the place. My group of friends and I spent an extra 15 minutes or so picking up the countless cigarette butts and cans from shitty beers. Thanks for trying Green Apple, but next year please get some intelligent help in your planning.

Chicago Cougar

It's not a sports team. It's not a 30-45 female stalking rich men or young boys. Earlier this week, Chicago police responded to calls that a cougar was wandering a Northside neighborhood. Though cops had to think whoever reported the cougar was nuts, there was a roughly 5 foot long 150 cougar wandering the densely populated neighborhood.

As police searched for the animal, it appears a game of cat and mouse was going on. In video footage available on YouTube shows as one officer searches for the cougar walking down the sidewalk, the cougar walks about 5 to 10 feet behind the cop.

Officers responded by shooting the animal to protect public safety. I know, it would have been great to have been able to shoot it with a tranquilizer dart, but those take time to knock the lion out and this was a crowded neighborhood.

It is bizarre to think of a city this size, which hasn't always been considered a clean place, to have mountain lions. But Chicago is much cleaner than it was. In fact, if there's a clean enough water source, it's probably a great habitat. Chicago-land forests are brimming with deer everywhere. Since until now, there really haven't been any predators of deer, they've overpopulated the forests and become so used to people and other animals that you can walk up and touch them. Imagine the cougar's surprise the first time he hid, all hunkered down, waiting to attack a dear. As the animal reached the usual attacking distance, the lion jumps up and runs and the deer, and they don't try to escape. It's like an all-you-can-eat buffet for a big cat that can make it to the windy city.

See the video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qK4rYCQLwJM

Gourds Spotted on Southport

There aren't many things in this world that set my soul straight like a Gourds show, and this Wednesday night they spread their unique brand on religion, bluegrass, at Shubas. The opening act was billed as Shinyribs, and nobody seemed to have any idea about. As the early show of the night kicked off, Kevin Russel, from the Gourds walked out on stage. He is Shinyribs.

Now the Chicagoland area is fucking huge with nearly 9 million people in the entire area. However, despite Kevin's immense talent and the Gourds loyal following, there were only about 10 people in the room when he started playing. Imagine coming all the way from Texas to play to 10 people, what a kick in the dick.

Kevin didn't let it bother him though. Always the professional he held steady and by the end of the set was having fun. By then the room had filled out, but not to an appropriate level for such a great act.

As the Gourds started, something was a little odd. Over the last several years, they've been starting to add electric guitar into their sets, in a great way may I add. However, I've never seen them open up with electric guitars a screeching and and screaming. It was awesome. They worked their way through evening working the electric in regularly. Often, Max was playing lap steel as Kevin wailed on guitar. As always, Jimmy added his kicking bass riffs with smooth transitions to the set. His lyrics and singing really pulled the crowd in. How can you not like "Picklin"

The evening moved on as the crowd was pulled deeper and deeper into the music. At times, foot stomping/clapping crowd responses broke out that shook the floorboards. As the night drew to a close. the boys had to play the anthem, Gin n Juice. This cover is an enigma for the band. They play it so well, and it's just so unique to hear a bluegrass band cover a hip-hop/rap song is just amazing. However, you can see that nobody in the band seems to really enjoy playing it but Kevin. The did join in the diddy in a raucous fashion, that just seemed to grow a little too silly to really do themselves or their work on this song justice. They actually made it a medley that worked its way into that bad 70s song, "The Night Chicago Died." It kind of killed the end of the show for me, but hey seeing Dem Gourds play just tickles my soul.

"What a what a night the people saw. What a what a night it really was, glory be" you Gourds keep touring this fine country.